I did not write the article below. It was written by a Facebook friend, Logan Sweitzer (http://brokenhallelujahsblog.wordpress.com/). I first read this post back in February and because it resonated so strongly with me, I have not been able to forget it, so I asked her permission to post it here.
FALLING
In case you don’t know, there are a few things in life that
are extremely important to me. God is my
editor in chief. He is the reason that I am here, and the reason I tick. Then
family and friends are tied for a close second. Without them, I would be most
lonely and lost…but what do you do when you’ve scorned a friend? I know that I
have the best friends and that they would forgive anything I’ve done to them,
but that is not to excuse the fact that I’ve hurt them.
If you don’t know, in order to write a blog, I have to listen
to its namesake “Hallelujah.” I prefer Kate Voegele’s version. Tonight in particular
one of the lines brought me to tears and it made my breathing shallow. “But all I’ve ever learned from love was how
to shoot at someone who outdrew you. It’s not a cry you can hear at night. It’s
not somebody who has seen the light. It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.”
Why?
I’ve transgressed against my sister in Christ and a friend. I
blame Satan, and my temper. In the words of Josh Turner “There’s an engineer on
that long black train, makin’ you wonder if the ride is worth the pain. He’s
just a-waitin’ on your heart to say: “Let me ride on that long black
train.” He makes everything look so
grand and I find myself falling for it in spite of myself. Even though I know
there will be heartache. I let my tongue get the best of me. Guess I haven’t completely learned how to
train my dragon –yet. I am working on
it. I don’t like knowing that I have hurt those who I love. I guess I let my personal pain get the best
of me…
It’s very easy for us to get so wrapped up in our own pain
that we forget other’s pain, and that is what I did. I know that I am not the
only one who is dealing with stuff, and if you are reading this and you have
stuff that you can’t cope with… turn to a friend and talk about it. Don’t let
yourself burn a bridge. If you don’t have friends who you can turn to, I am
willing to help if I can or point you to someone who can. Be kind to people because you never know what
God has asked them to walk through. Don’t judge someone because they sin
differently than you do, and don’t ever forget to “Do unto others as you would
have them do unto you.” I don’t care if you are not Christian, but that is the
law of the universe and if every human would abide by it then the world would
be a much safer place.
I am sending up my own cold and broken hallelujahs tonight,
y’all. I know that I need to lean on God for solace and comfort, but for now, I
will weep. Crying cleanses the soul like the way rain brings new flowers. I pray that my temper never burns the bridges
that mean the most to me. I pray that I never get too far from God’s
light. I know that if I work on it and
lean on those who mean the most to me that I will be okay –eventually. I am not
looking for an easy fix, but rather a holy heart. We are all works in progress
and just because things you want don’t come ASAP does not mean they won’t. I
need to learn to be content in God’s timing.
If you are reading this and you’re the one I’ve hurt… (you
know who you are)…I want you to know that I love you and that I am truly sorry.
We’ve been through too much to let this go, and I am working harder at being a
better friend. Now can we please move on? ((:
If you need to, send up a broken hallelujah and resume your
life. Fall down and pray if you must. Cry if it helps, but remember that the
world keeps turning, and another day that you’re alive is another second
chance.
Peace and Love.
--Logan Sweitzer
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