THAT MAN I MARRIED

Introduction: I used to put out a monthly ladies bulletin. I started it before Caiti was born and then continued it most of the time up until a few years ago…more like 7, I guess. I quit when Caiti started college and I went with her. Several people asked from time to time when I was going to start them up again, but life just got progressively…IDK…more complicated, more depressing, more bad things happening, more overwhelming. So I quit writing. I’d like to start back again. I figure I will talk some about the issues we’ve had and intersperse them with old articles in hopes that people don’t die of boredom.  I picked the name for my blog partially because my ladies bulletin was entitled Heart to Heart from Acts 4:32 and partially because this will not entirely be about Bible but probably will have a lot of babbling. Below is an article I wrote in the early ‘90’s.

THAT MAN I MARRIED

I don't think any of us really know what we are getting into when we get married.   All of a sudden the guy who used to show up all clean and smelling sweet to take you out to a fancy place turns into a not-so-tidy fellow  worried about making ends meet.   Not only that, now you each have two sets of parents to deal with and while your parents' requests seem perfectly normal, his parents' requests are definitely not!  Why can't he see that?   Yes, this wonderful guy you married has suddenly become less than perfect---and guess    what?  He seems  to think you have one or two faults yourself.

     Marriage is probably one of the first major life changes you will make.  And just when you figure out that it won't be one long honeymoon, along come other drastic changes such as children, job changes, moving, etc.  Major changes can bring you together or pull you apart.  One thing I never thought about until Mark pointed it out is that when we are going through major changes, that's when we end up having some of our biggest arguments over things that, needless to say, are really silly!   Since we have become aware of this, now we try not to take out our frustrations on each other, but work together on the problem instead.

      Now it has been said that when a bride is preparing to walk down to her husband-to-be, the first thing that she sees is the aisle, the next is the altar, and then she sees him--her groom.   So naturally she thinks, "Aisle, altar, him:  I'll alter him."  Now although we may enter into marriage with changing him in mind, you will soon find that he will resist you every step of the way.   However, after so many years, you will finally just stop trying.   He hasn't changed, but you have.   You just don't care any more because you are used to him and his quirks (and vice-versa, luckily for us).  

   We have to remember that we took each other for better  or  worse, richer or poorer, and in sickness and in health---it was not a multiple choice test (I'll take better, richer, and healthy---wouldn't we all?). Marriage is not an end---you're born, you date, you marry, the end.  Marriage is a beginning of making two lives into one.   Marriage takes two people who love God and each other enough to overcome all obstacles.  And you can read all sorts of books and articles on marriage, but the best training is on the job.  Marriage is a lot of work; left alone it cannot survive.   That's why we must find time for each other alone.   That's why there is always room for improvement---our own, not our mate's!

   A lady once wanted to divorce her husband and went to a lawyer for some advice.   He told her that if she really wanted to make her husband miserable, she should go home and for three months do every little thing she could for him---try to be the best wife anyone ever had---then when she divorced him, boy, would he be sorry.   Well, several months went by and finally the lawyer called the lady and said, "Hey, what happened?   I thought you were going to divorce him."   "Divorce him???" the lady cried, "I love him!"   Guess what had changed?   Her attitude and her actions.  True the husband probably responded in kind, but it started with her.   Start with you. Try to make your marriage and your life a happy one.   Marriage is intended to last for a lifetime and since we can reasonably expect to live 80+ years, that's a long time.  But if you are truly married to your best friend, it may not seem long enough.

                ---Beckye Mosher